Local farmer Ezra Stanley has announced an 11th hour stay of execution for his veal calf. The family lost its nerve and has opted to go vegan. Ezra hopes to sell the calf online as a hunting dog.
· After looking over Junior Singleton’s resume, the Department of Labour has concluded that if he ever gets a job, it will mean the country is at full employment.
· Red will be performing at Hanover Raceway’s Anniversary on August 15th.
· Safety Notice: Buster Hadfield reports that methane is explosive and that you should never drop a lit cigarette down between your legs when using the outhouse. He suffered second degree burns on the part of him that leaves the room last.
· Correction: Our local paper The Daily Movement mistakenly switched proportions in the recipe for last week’s Fruit Punch Surprise. It should have been 3 ounces of bourbon to each quart of pink lemonade, not the other way around. The paper has apologized to the organizer of the Ladies Auxiliary Picnic and made sure that all of the women who fell asleep in the park got home safely.
· Fathers Day Package: We are introducing a special package for Fathers Day at the Possum Lodge store. It will include a Possum Lodge foldable Koozie, instructions on how to make Dad a duct tape tie, a tie pin, and a letter to your Dad from Red and you. Will be available in early May.
· Stinky Peterson’s dog has run away. He is missing his right ear. The dog that is. Stinky is not missing his right ear. He’s missing the dog. He expects to circle back home eventually as it only turns left.
· Item for Sale: Due to the wet Spring, Flinty McClintock’s home sank 3 ½ feet so he is selling his front steps.
· Have a great May. See you on the 31st.
