The owner of Dalton Humphrey's Everything Store has developed incredible fine motor skills from penny pinching. Curmudgeonly Dalton laughs himself silly over Yuppies who pay for crap just cause it has character, but he's delighted to oblige them, and isn't above making things more "antique" with his hammer. Dalton's marriage is like the favorite cardigan he wears: old, stuffy, too tight, and unfit for anyone else. Dalton is dour, sour, but prone to fits of laughter over other people's misery. He doesn't mean to be insensitive, but he tells people exactly what he thinks of them, because they deserve the benefit of his wisdom.
